Have you ever had one of those moments when the complete idiocy of the day strikes you and you have to write about it?
Today I had one. I was running errands at lunch and had gotten all the way back to work when I realized I forgot to buy a card for a co-worker. I didn’t want to forget again and I thought to myself, “I’ll just run to the closest store real quick and pick one up.” Yeah Right!
I started the drive down by being cut off by a women on her cell phone. Good thing I looked up from my e-mail just in time to miss hitting her. “The nerve of that lady!”
Then I get to the store and parked in a spot that was probably too small but much closer to the door so I took it. “Hey, I’m in a hurry here.”
I had a little trouble getting out of my car because the truck next to me was so close and I didn’t want to hit the side. “Why did he/she have to park here anyhow?”
I went in and quickly picked out a card, after all I was on borrowed time from work. I made my way back across the store past the infant clothes. “Oh, wouldn’t he look cute in that! Ok, I will stop for just a second but then I have to go because I really got to pee and I don’t have time.”
I took my two sets of baby clothes and a card to dreaded self checkout lane. The sign read 12 items and under. All the other lanes had at least three people in line but I found one with only one shopper just finishing up and cut off an elderly lady to get in line first. “She would have taken forever.”
If I had been paying attention I would have noticed the line was short because instead of 12 items or less the women in front of me had a shopping cart full of groceries. By the time I saw this the other lines were full, including one with the slow elderly lady, so I had no choice but to wait while trying not to make it obvious I was about to wet my pants. “Come on lady. I have to pee!”
When she finally finished scanning she pulls out a large roll of one dollar bills and begins to feed them one by one. Sometimes it takes several tries for the machine to accept the crinkled money. Rather than offer a trade for one of the 20’s in my pocket, my mind screams, “Are you serious!”
Finally it’s my turn and I scan my items. I am really dancing now and trying not to think of anything remotely close to running water. The card I came in for scans but will not register on the scale. I press the help button but the clerk is busy helping a mother with three kids load coupons into their machine, “I don’t believe this, why won’t she help me!”
She finally comes to my area and goes to punch her employee number in to reset the screen. She hits a wrong key once, twice, three times. Her nails are too long and she is moving way to fast. She tries again. Four times, five, six. “This is getting ridiculous!”
By the tenth try I am certain I am going to wet my pants. I am angry as hell not just at the clerk for not being able to type a simple number but at the customers who had gotten into a line way behind me but are now leaving. “Slow down and do it right,” I think.
The girl tells me, “Sorry, I’m in a hurry.” but continues to go to fast to get it right. Thirteen times, fourteen times… by now I know her employee number by heart and could do it for her. That’s when it hits me…This is Karma.
I have been a total A-hole and this is God telling me so. Right now he is up there laughing his butt off at me doing the pee dance in a line that will never move until someone slows down. I silently curse myself and then join in on his joke. “Got me on this one!”
“Hey,” she looks up at me close to tears. “It’s ok,” I say, ” I’m not in a hurry.” She turns back to the screen and punches the correct number. I finish by paying for my items and walking out. I stop in the bathroom where I have to wait for a stall but my bladder is no longer in panic mode. “Its all good”
When I get to my car, I see the space next to my door is open giving me plenty of room. I drive back to work with my cell phone in my pocket the whole time and get in the building without anyone noticing I was late. “Thank goodness”
If only I could stop forgetting…what you put out there is what you get back!